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a little angel told me once

that life just isn't worth living anymore

Name:
equivocal_end
Birthdate:
25 April
Website:
External Services:
  • equivocal_end@livejournal.com
  • ducktape n drama


CHANGES
Three Doors Down

I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am...
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands...
(how I feel)....
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs...
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb...

I try to hold this...
Under control...
They can't help me...
'Cause no one knows...

Now I'm going through changes, changes...
God, I feel so frustrated lately...
When I get suffocated, save me...
Now I'm going through changes, changes...

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone...
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone...
(and I bleed)...
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn...
It feel like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world...

I try to hold this...
Under control...
They can't help me...
'Cause no one knows...

Now I'm going through changes, changes...
God, I feel so frustrated lately...
When I get suffocated, save me...
Now I'm going through changes, changes...

I'm blind and shaking...
Bound and breaking...
I hope I make it through all these changes...

Now I'm going through changes, changes...
God, I feel so frustrated lately...
When I get suffocated, save me...
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it...

Now I'm going through changes, changes...
God, I feel so frustrated lately...
When I get suffocated, I hate this...
But I'm going through changes, changes...

PANIC PRONE
Chevelle
Gave in Again
The bastard
Can't keep refusing rights
So he'll loan the cash
But the sin
Is on the hands of you

So
To care or
Plead silence
Weak hands are calling

There's close enough
And there's too far
It won't change an empty stare
But I can't seem to end
These images
Hauntingly looks like hell

So
To care or
Plead silence
Weak hands are calling

Come, Enter the foreign.
Face, All that's shameful.
Cheat, May the past find
Out; Separating...

So
To care or
Plead silence
Weak hands are calling

So
To care or
Plead silence
Weak hands are calling
To end this catastrophic scene awake and breathe in

girl

jessica. 16. boring. likes life a little bit. just a little bit. reads alot. writes alot. takes too many pictures. likes the sky. is in love with the sky. can't draw very well. wants to be a writer/english teacher. has goals for life, just doesn't know what they are yet. jokes around too much. is confused regarding religion. was christian. became an atheist. became chrisitan again. now just can't decide, for a certain reason. is in love with someone, but not romantically. is infatuated with someone, though. likes to jump around. can be antisocial if social for too long. is not very pretty. is not very skinny either. can't focus. always manages to procrastinate. likes to sing, but can't very well. complains too much.

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life

i adore my friends. i don't deserve them, really. they're too good to me. This is actually something one of my best freinds wrote to me in a note...

Whenever I need someone to talk to, or to be there for me, it's you... Regardless of what's going on in your life, or how bad your day is going, you still find the time and energy to recognize and care about a friend in need. I can trust you with ANYTHING I share with you; I not only know that you won't tell other people, but that you'll never criticize, or judge me for how I feel... You know exactly how to make me feel better and you know all the right things to say to ease the pain... You're an incredible friend, Jessica, the kind that only comes around once in a lifetime, and someone would be a fool to let you go... I love you, Jess, and I wouldn't change you for the world!

i do NOT deserve my friends.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

love

now having told you everything my friend said about me...
what's funny is that that's the way guys see me, too. and only that. a friend.

my love life, or lack thereof, is HORRIBLE.

and i'm kinda confused about it right now. =/ scratch that... REALLY confused.

oh well!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

poetry


Dancing
this dance we dance
me and the image i reflect
so sullenly
i spin, and twirl
designs of magic
an empty vial is all that remains
to wash the day away
its like a sea of regret
a mountain of guilt
that each soul must climb
my path lies under, in and beyond
on my path is pain, hardship
heartache, doubt
my feet tremble
as my walking stick becomes so much more
it is now my loss of control
my last mistake
my quickened pace

Hurried
a vicious cycle thrice returning
a backwards mirror to the past
shows me things i did and will do
from behind the looking glass
i see the actions placed before me
i have no choice but to regret
sleeping, dreaming, twisting, turning
burning, entangled in a spider's net
my thoughts, they curl with anticipation
a false sense of life and hope
i became a figment of my own imagination
reality?... nope
a calming itchy sensation
shivers up my back
i commit, and bury long dead secrets
only stealth do i lack

Lack of Oxygen
it's like the writing on the wall is meant to kill us slowly
it's like the words inside my head are there to remind me of the
better days, when you and me were still attached at the hip
when we'd walk around, and laugh it off with heavy lipstick
within earshot of the corner store, you'd take a bow
and jump headfirst inside my heart to only turn around
i closed the door, you found the key
but shot the lock off first
now i'm bruised and bleeding, and you don't see me, am i meant to be?
this time
we'll call the shots together
or we won't see the day turn red
the lack of oxygen will be our end
pale blue and grey
the skies turn weak and we won't watch them fall down
this lack of oxygen will be our end

Poetry of Mind
a product of your imagination
simple fascination
an all-too easy rationalization
limitless implication
lucid appreciation
albeit your explanation
an accidental justification
satisfactory reparation
merciless damnation
one's false accusation
nation's glorification
don't let me stop your angry idolization
embarrassed adulation
broken animation
dead occupation
my heart bleeds for your desolation
dear sweet love, break me of my vexation
exiled infuriation
an apple's sweet sensation
perfect assimilation
utter incorporation
let go of my indignation
blatant hallucination
shameless evaluation
behind my dramatization
complete and total purification
right to your annihilation
loss of sanctification
separation
of the natural authorization
and exoneration
ceaseless termination

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